Haggard

Okay, So i shouldn't have been so excited for this show, cuz it was truly aweful! This is when i wish we were still room mates so that i could fast forward and show you all of Ryan's cute stuff. Lucky for you this show is so terrible that i will not subject you to it. Of course i do have to tell you all about it though, so buckle your seatbealt.... and we're off!
Ryan is ADORABLE and soooo hot! I wish i could send you lots of screen caps to show you all his different looks: beanies, blonde curly hair w/ beard, various cute t-shirts, button down shirts, double shirts w/ long sleeves... oh mann, so cute! And how is it that a guy sporting an eye patch is so attractive? I don't know, but he is! This movie contained other hottness that i loved: smoking, screaming/yelling on the phone, glaring at a sex tape, hucking glass bottles against a building, freaking out and attacking guys outta nowhere, laughing, throwing/trashing things, and much much more! Mmmmm, how can so much hottness be in such a horrible show?

So this show is basically about Ryan's breakup with his girlfriend Glauren. It was inspired by real events from Ryan's life, and that always makes me wonder how much of it is truth vs fiction. Example: Glauren in the show is so scanky and gross. Truth or story telling? Well, i watched the featurette, and it appears to be 100% truth. They were interviewing Ryan and asked if he thinks of Glauren when he sees Jenn. (Jenn is Bam's real life girlfriend who played Glauren in the film) and Ryan just goes off! He wasn't yelling, but he was obviously irritated, "No, I've blocked it out, but i'm done with this. Let's talk about something else cuz we're over F-ing Glauren! I don't even wanna think of her sick filthy face anymore!" He takes a deep breath, and you can see he realizes that he went off for no real reason, and then you just hear his buddy lauhing at him. He went on to say how Glauren had been around but he hung in there "like a champ, thinking it was true love or something" and said how it wasn't even just her sleeping around with 1/2 of West Chester "she was evil too. She'd be gettin' eatin out, come home and start slappin' me around, bitchin' at me like i'm a horrible person. When i'm at home watching her kids and making dinner." He also said how she would come home wanting sex, but he didn't want to because she was all "greasy and shiny". You would think that he was just embellishing, but if you could see the look on his face when he was describing her being all "greasy and shiny" you knew it was the truth. He looked like he wanted to throw up just remembering it...

So with Ryan being the main guy, i was disappointed to see so little of him...(Which by the way, i saw A LOT of Ryan. More than i cared to. We're talking him being fully naked jacking off to his own ass. Yeah, no need for me to explain why i'm not making you rent this...) But they did a lot of stuff with the other characters that were so weird and boring! Like they would start a montage off showing how depressed Ryan was, and then outta nowhere, the montage turned into 5 minutes of Bam Skate Boarding. ??? And they would have all this other random stuff that made no sense. Fact: Random does not always = funny!

There is a scene where Ryan is running away from Hellboy (the guy Glauren leaves him for) and Ryan gets hit by a taxi. I don't think much of it, but on the featurette they said how when Ryan got hit his shoe goes FLYING off! I went back to look, and sure enough... FLYING! I totally laughed and couldn't help but think of cute Dane. "I wasn't lucky enough to see the pants, but i did see the shoes fly off..." Nothing better than something tying 2 hot guys together. Love it!

So Ryan gets in the cab where a girl is already inside. This turns out to be the new love interest in the show and is played by real life Fiance, Angie. (Seen in top pic) This made me a little sad at first. Then they did a montage (Haggard is montage ca-razy!) with the two, and she is adorable! They would be laughing and holding eachother at a bar, or he'd give her a piggyback ride and so on. It was soooo cute! What really sealed the deal of me liking her was during the montage they showed at least 2-3 diff times of her playing with his beard and i thought, "Oh, she likes his beard! She's not some bitchy girl that wants him to shave it off... ::ding:: maybe i have her to thank cuz she is the reason he keeps the beard!" Anyway, she is way cute, and i like her.

Now, for more gross things... sorry! Ryan keeps having flashbacks of Glauren and the first one she is topless, and this was very disturing to me, because it's his real life best friend's girl stripping and being all nasty... Does anyone else find this as creepy as me? Why would Bam want his girlfriend to play this part? Disturbing! I tried not to think of it and just watch the show. Later there is a sex scene between Glauren and Hellboy. As luck would have it, Hellboy is played by the one friend that i can not stand! His name is Rake, and he TOTALLY grosses me out just sitting there in Viva La Bam, so imagine how horrified i was when they were gettin' it on. I have never wanted to burn my retinas so badly! I had to look away! It was just soooo gross!

Picture a guy named Hellboy... and that's what he looks like

At this point in the movie, i wasn't sure if I could keep watching, but i held on like a little trooper. At the end of the show Bam's character meets a girl and they go back to her place. The music starts up and they start kissing and i'm thinking, "SHUT UP! They are not gonna have a sex scene with Bam too! How dare they not have anything with Ryan?!?!" I hadn't complained for too long when they switched to Ryan and Angie going at it. True, it was more of a make out scene than a sex scene, but i was happy to see it. This REALLY made me jealous of his cute fiance! It was hot, but i woulda enjoyed it a lot more if they hadn't kept cutting away to Bam making out, and also to a lesbian sex scene. Oh well, i'll take it. He's hot.

One more random thought... and it is random! Back to the taxi scene. After they drive in the cab for awhile, he decides he needs to get outta there incase Hellboy is close by. The girl says that she wants to go with him too... Now, how do i explain this? It's one of those things that is nothing, but is soooo hot! So Ryan has his arm around the girl and is facing the door. He is really close to her when she says that she wants to go with him. He leans in closer (more as a, "we need to leave now" getting closer to the door type thing) so his face is right by hers and says, "Hurry hurry!" as his head moves up and down... Carrie, it was soooo sexual and so hot! I put that little part on AB repeat (NERD ALERT!) and was loving it!

You are a true friend Carrie King! Thanks for listening to the review. Oh, Ryan is just adorable! It's too bad that the movie sucked so hard, cuz he was so cute in it! mmmmm, it was hot!

Closing quote. Ryan is at a bar with Angie and she hands him his drink and calls him "Sweetheart" to which he replies, "Thanks Hun" ::kiss:: and quietly says to himself, "I love when she calls me that" ::Grin::